• Valerie Muzelenga. GRN/RM

Pillow Talk and Forgiveness.

Updated: Feb 12

Forgiveness is essential in having a healthy and wholesome relationship. Many times we deny ourselves pleasure and intimacy because of our failure to understand this. Human relationships are increasingly difficult to navigate especially nowadays.We are very different beings that do things differently and these differences – though handy and admirable at times - result in conflicts. Why do we have conflict? Once we start to harbor anger and frustration towards each other in our relationships there tend to be a lot of negativity and sensitivity in the air. This will later lead to the holding of grudges against each other. With that being the case, even the smallest Forgiveness is essential in having a healthy and wholesome relationship. Many times we deny ourselves pleasure and intimacy because of our of conversation on any small issue can result in a conflict – huge conflicts that affect relationships and intimacy. These conflicts can become very common occurrences thus making it very difficult to have a productive relationship or even experience the joys of intimacy. Ultimately, it becomes difficult to move beyond the emotional and psychological pain that exist because of conflict- which is really an underlying issue to the bigger problem of 'unforgiving’.It is through forgiveness that we can learn to mend broken relationships so that they can thrive and become all they are meant to be. Forgiveness allows us to move away from negative or destructive emotions and allow us to pursue the kind of relationships that we truly desire. Forgiveness is the long term healing that relationships need to thrive. It is essential that we learn how to forgive ourselves and our partners and those around us seventy times seven each day. It is just as simple as it is. Research published in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine shows that forgiveness is a detrimental factor in our abilities to enjoy longer and more productive lives with our partners.Here are some ways you can learn how to learn to forgive in relationship and move forward.Quit Spotting Errors - We are all human beings and we will make mistakes. Whilst this is true knowing that your partner is always looking out to spot your mistakes can be very challenging to accept and will cause conflict. If you are in a position where you are always aiming to find the errors that your partner make try to do your best to change in the way you look at the situation, because failure to do this can simply distort how your partner sees you. It is very important that we understand that your role in the relationship is not to build a case against your partner but to ensure that they feel loved, understood, and forgiven no matter what has been done. Be responsible and to take responsibility - Most of the times when we realize that someone is upset with us it is likely for a good reason. That is a good time for us to reflect on what may have gotten them upset and to see what part we have played in causing them to feel that way. If you haven't done anything wrong then you might not need to apologize but if you have its time for you to do the next right thing and apologize immediately. Let the person know that you didn't mean to upset them and try to avoid doing it through social media or other impersonal modes of communication. When your partner is upset it is very important that you allow him or her to feel upset and try to understand their point of view. Also be very clear about what you are sorry about as it is very important that we allow our partner to know that we were not aware of the reasons that they are upset. Don't justify, explain yourself and ask for forgiveness - When you ask for forgiveness you let the other partner know that you will try your best to not do what you've done wrong in the future. In doing this they can accept your apology and please remember to say thank you and find harmonious ways to move forward. Remember too that in as much as you seek your partner’s forgiveness you should also learn to forgive yourself. Whether or not your apology is accepted you have to learn to let it go. Guilt is a terrible thing and it will wear you down so that you can't move forward so forgiving yourself is very important. Your confidence in and outside of the bedroom is very much interrelated with forgiveness. Do you want to learn more about forgiveness and pillow talk?Do book your seat at our sizzling upcoming seminar (Jurys Inn Hotel. Croydon. From 2-5pm. Look out for more awesome blogs and videos that will inspire you to lead happy healthy and lasting



Valerie Muzelenga|Relationships counsellor and trainer 

London, United Kingdom


Tel: 07878393230


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